Lights Out
by Appariti0ns
Summary: Christmas; the happiest time of year for most, some made miserable. Our own Melissa Mao is one of those who loath the holiday season. Check out why, and see the secret to breaking that Holiday depression. Rated M for some Mature themes.


**Authors Notes: I dedicated this story to Unkeptsecret, for the hours of friendship, labor, advice, and tears that has brought me to where I am today with this piece of written work. I can not thank you enough. **

" **Lights Out"**

Melissa didn't want to get out of bed on December 24; she wasn't a very merry Christmas person. Yet she did get up. She had to take Sousuke last minute shopping for a birthday gift for his new beloved, Kaname. She sighed, the only time the whole company had really any time off. Drug lords and drug companies were at bay. Sousuke was really behaving, normally and human like, amazingly enough, No bombs had gone off in the lunch room, or in the officer's club. Actually, Sousuke had started smiling. Kurz bet he got laid finally, and Melissa was beginning to think that maybe Kurz was actually right.

Melissa shut off her army issued alarm clock and yawned, suddenly feeling like she wanted to stay there. Melissa's body lay back down, but her mind was made up, she had to help Sousuke find something nice for Kaname, for her birthday and Christmas. Kaname may very have been from Japan, but she had North American traditions close to her heart as well. Melissa struggled through her daily preparations, showering, grooming, dressing, everything. For a moment while she applied a touch of makeup, she could see Matthew in the bathroom mirror. It caught her off guard, causing her to pale over. She almost let herself cry at that moment but shook her head. Weakness was not acceptable, she had to stay strong.

Matthew was what Melissa would describe as a spitfire; he rebelled against their traditional Chinese parents. Back than, Melissa was very quiet and timid. She obeyed her parents naturally and gracefully. Back than, she didn't really have a mind of her own. Her independent spirit never played a part in her life's story until after Matthew had passed away. He was the best big brother ever; he beat up the boys that made her cry, and hugged her when things got to scary. They were close, but how close? Melissa wondered after all these years, did she really know her brother? After the actions on December 24, 2000, Melissa didn't really know anymore.

University was the biggest issue in the family, not for Melissa but for Matthew. Melissa's life was already arranged for a married life with a good Chinese boy, with a very wonderful and wealthy Chinese family. They were high in the social standing. But for Matthew, there was only University, nothing else. University, so he can go big, make big, but that wasn't what Matthew wanted. Matthew had the most wonderful hand made drawings and art. Matthew had stars in his eyes. His dream was to travel to places like Rome, and Peru, and seek out an artist's world. This dismayed their parents very much, for University was their dream for Matthew, and to some day successfully take over the launder mat, to build it successfully with his University education. Matthew had more ideas than what they wanted from him.

It was the biggest regret of her life. She wished; she wondered why. The simple three letter word, why. If Melissa knew, she would have done something, would have stopped him. Maybe it's why she was so thrilled to join Mithril. The war against drugs, and drug lords. It was what had killed her Matthew; he was out partying and overdosed intentionally. At first, everyone thought it was an accidental overdose, but the letter that arrived in the mail, months later, addressed to her told her otherwise. The wedding had been delayed, at that point in Melissa's life she'd been repairing the damage that had been done.

When the letter postmarked to her arrived with Matthew's chicken scratchy hand writing, it sat on the kitchen table for a day; no one had told her it was delivered. The night she found it, she'd been up all hours of the night, studying, trying to keep her mind off other things.

Taking her father's letter opener, Melissa carefully opened it. She unfolded it, and began to read. She stood there in the moon light and began to read. Matthew's chicken scratch laid it out in front of her. Drug induced sentences and words, some of the word fragments didn't make sense. He hated their parents, their disapproval glares and he hated Kate for taking Ophelia away. In the second paragraph where he was talking so normally and coherently. In the third and fourth paragraphs, Matthew was tired of the voices, the ones that followed him through his day, and his night. Matthew just wanted the voices to stop, the ones that were tearing his life apart. They followed him everywhere he went. They teased him, taunting him, making his deliriously of Mom and Dad right.

After reading it, Melissa went crazy. She trashed her parents kitchen, and then made one dangerously deep cut in her arm with her father's Butcher knife. That scar lived with her for life, a constant reminder of what love can do to someone. How could she have been so stupid? She didn't know. Why didn't she know? Matthew looked so perfectly normal, voices?!

Melissa stumbled down the stairs in army issued boots on army issued slip resistant rubber floors. At that time, she was caught by the cocky fox himself, Kurz Weber, who was creeping through the shadows, looking for his next victim. The poor man was sadly mistaken, thinking his penis was a gift to the female kind and tried every which way to use it. Maybe that's why Melissa, despite all the hate she had for him, actually kind of liked him to at the same time.

Melissa shook her head and pushed herself out of Kurz's outstretched arms.

"Thanks, but I can take it from here" Melissa snapped and walked away. In the footsteps she took, Melissa could hear Kurz gulp.

"Um, you're welcome?" he called back to her, as she continued to walk, back turned to him.

Melissa rounded the corner and let a sigh. She didn't want to deal with any stupidity. Unfortunately for Kurz, stupidity followed him. She went to the mess hall for some breakfast of egg whites, turkey bacon and dry wheat toast. Melissa than ducked out to the work out room before she went out. Melissa always started a day off with a work out, if she didn't, she never felt right. She got onto the treadmill and jogged for an hour, her body and mind suddenly waking up as sweat dripped down her face. Melissa went back to her cabin, took another shower, and got ready in street clothes. Melissa dressed classically in fashionable clothes, so she won't stand out in a crowd of people.

Mithril dropped Sousuke and Melissa off in Japan, in the heart of the shopping center network. Crowds of people who were getting ready for the holiday season. Melissa dragged Sousuke everywhere; he was being rather difficult with the choice of gift for Kaname. Melissa knew he wasn't trying to be difficult, he was just very cautious and senseless about the situation. Melissa had never seen him so happy before, Kaname had brought in a light into his life, which had been unbeknownst to him. A gift of love, which he was so common senseless about, that he needed help.

Melissa brought him to a jeweller store, since Sousuke, who was a frugal saver, never spent any of his money. She knew a perfect gift would be Kaname, which Sousuke agreed. They spent an hour scouring over the brightly displayed pieces of gold, silver, and diamonds. They look and examine bracelets and necklaces, and earring. Melissa finally points out the perfect one, a white gold chain, with a medium sized diamond circle. The jeweller counter girl explains the piece is called Circle of Love, which the both think is perfect. Sousuke has the clerk wrap it up for him, since he, and Melissa both lack wrapping skills. Sousuke paid for the item and left with Melissa to get some lunch, as they've been looking for hours.

The two settled down for some Americanized subway sandwiches from Subway and some cokes. Melissa treated Sousuke, as a thank you for keeping her entertained and occupied. They were both very quiet as they ate, both in their own worlds. Sousuke, drifted in and out of dazes, trying to figure out the best way to give Kaname the gift. They spoke soft words to each other, but not many as both their heads were filled with thoughts and feelings.

Melissa's gaze was fixated on a young mother and girl, and her heart danced a little with tense movement. Melissa didn't know why her heart and mind were playing tricks on her. Maybe they subconsciously knew that it would be a comfort to see Kate or Ophelia. A piece of Matthew near her would be heaven. Would Kate ever tell Ophelia about Matthew? Maybe? Hopefully.

Kate had been a sparkling girl in High School. The one and only love of Matthew's life, Kate was beautiful: tiny, small-featured with beautiful blue eyes and corn silk blond hair. She and Matthew went together all through High School; Kate really matured Matthew fast when she got pregnant in grade 11. That was a scandal in itself, and it brought her parents grief. When Ophelia was born, Matthew was happy as he could be for a 16-year-old father. Ophelia was the last part of Matthew that remained in this world, and Melissa though for certain that she was looking at her 10-year-old niece from across the crowded food court. Ophelia had Kate's classic beauty and showed traces of Matthew's features in her, too.

In a blink of an eye, the people in front of her changed, and they were so different. The young mother was now older and mature while the little girl looked nothing like Ophelia.

Sousuke finished up his meal, and looks at Melissa oddly, titling his head a little.

He waved his hand in front of her face; she blinked.

"Huh?" she uttered, shaking her head. She saw that Sousuke is ready to leave and got up to throw out the rest of her sandwich and garbage. Sousuke followed suit, walking outside of the fast food store where they wished each other holiday salutations and parted ways.

With nothing left to do in Tokyo, Melissa went back to Mithril's pick-up point. She groaned as she came closer to the spot. Blond hair, blue eyes with the same repeatedly dumb look on his face, Kurz was there too. His face was mixed with joy, pity and a little anger. Melissa wondered why he was there. Kurz had mentioned that he had plans on the ski slope with a few ski bunnies.

"What are you doing here?" Melissa demanded as if she absolutely needed to know.

"Plans fell through, my sexy Chinese girl. Now I'm yours," Kurz grinned wickedly.

Melissa sighed a little; she spent the next few hours distancing herself from Kurz, through the journey back to Mithril.

At the Christmas dinner that they had for the people not going home for the holiday season Melissa sat in the back corner, poking at her food. Every time a piece of ham or turkey went into her mouth, she felt physically sick. Half way through the meal, she got up and left. The Holiday cheer was making her sick, and Kurz's second round of Silver Bells was giving her a headache.

Melissa's chest was heavy, and her throat hurt. She was trying so hard not to cry. She quickly hurried to her cabin, arriving to it, she locked the door. Images of Kate, Ophelia, the funeral home, her father crying, floated in and out of her mind. They played in front of her eyes like a scrolling marquee, bringing up painful memories. Melissa rested on her bunk wishing they'd go away, memories never left.

Melissa threw her unloaded Glock against the wall; it made a heavy thud that echoed through the hallways. Melissa's anger bubbled and she felt her blood pressure rising, and her sobs came out full force. Melissa's chest heaved and her throat burned. She felt so dizzy and vulnerable.

The noise of the Glock being thrown is what tipped Kurz off; the loud heavy thud had brought him from his senses. He blinked, and looked at Melissa's cabin door; he looked around the hall and pondered. He slipped a pin from his pocket and jiggled with the lock, opening up the door. He saw the gun and Melissa on the bed, crying.

"Hey Babe, need to borrow a tampon, got any?" Kurz walked in, without knocking. Kurz blinked, suddenly taken back by the fact his superior was on her bunk, being girl like, and crying. "Melissa?"

"Get the fuck out Kurz," Melissa sobbed.

Kurz never listened well to direction. Instead he sad next down to her on bunk and put his arm around her shoulder. Melissa leaned in, and buried her face into his chest, sobbing and blowing a few snot bubbles, which caused Kurz to snicker a bit but he didn't pull away. They sat like that together for the longest time.

"What's causing a pretty girl like you to cry?" Kurz asked once Melissa had settled and could talk again.

"Matthew."

"Matthew? Who's Matthew?" Kurz asked, looking at her wide eyed.

"My brother. He killed himself when I was 16. It's been 10 years." She broke down then and told him everything without looking up. Suddenly ashamed, suddenly feeling like she should be with her family.

At the end, Kurz hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry," Kurz whispered into her ear.

"So am I," Melissa whispered back.

That night was never brought up again in any future conversations or in the nights they spent goofing off with beer.

Maybe it was Kurz's silent support that gave her the strength, but Melissa decided to go to Matthew's grave the following week for the first time since they laid him to rest. It was a bittersweet reunion with his headstone. Melissa had helped her parents pick it out; she had helped with all the funeral arrangements.

She stood there in the rain with an umbrella over her head and a trench coat wrapped tightly around her and looked down at his name carved into the stone. Melissa bent down, and traced the engravings with her fingers. She looked back up for a second, at the goofy blond at the driveway's opening. Kurz had mysteriously appeared in the Mithril issued car as soon as she had arrived at the cemetery and would not leave despite Melissa's protests.

Melissa had tears in her eyes as she walked towards Kurz, who was standing in the driveway waiting for her.

They didn't say anything to each other while they walked back to the car. With Kurz beside her, Melissa made a vow to herself. She had to make peace with what happened to Matthew. Melissa realized as she walked that she would never understood why. For her own health and mental well being, it was better not to know, and if Melissa ever understood why, she probably needed help herself.

Melissa slid next to Kurz in the back of the car. As the driver took them back to Mithril's check point, Melissa held Kurz's hand. They didn't look at each other but neither other them let go they reached their destination.


End file.
